I have never personally wanted a doctorate; it has always seemed like it was too much of a game of intense particle inspection to yield something marginally different from others' opinions. I remember as a child how my mother typed, and retyped, and retyped the dissertation for the son of family friends from Northern Ireland as he spent hundreds of pages analyzing one sentence of a Shakespeare play. His PhD from Cambridge plus further research eventually landed him, Ronnie Mulryne, the chair of English and Comparative Literature at Warwick University; a prize Professorship so close to the Bard's original -- and final -- home.
The typing did yield box tickets for my spouse and I at a performance of Romeo and Juliet by the RSC in Stratford, but there was a lot more value in the typing than that…
So, when a young friend asked -- in a very special way -- to see whether I could wangle a doctorate, I was pleased to lend a hand. There are many online universities these days, places like the University of Phoenix which also has campuses for some human contact, and the British Open University, which has got to be one of the world's oldest distance learning universities and produces very respectable graduates, some of whom are even on the analog side of the industry. One of my brothers, who was a Reader at the University of Nottingham, was also a tutor and examiner for the Open University. No, with so many online experiences I was not troubled at taking my young friend in that direction.
Besides, without a bachelors or masters degree under his belt it was going to need some of his life experience taken into account.
I had read about a respected online university, Ashwood University, which I heard is somewhere in the Midwest, and was pleased to find that my friend's life experiences could be evaluated towards an academic doctorate with a major of his choice.
We submitted his résumé to the university with the necessary fees for his major in Exercise Science. Just enlarge the graphic to read his remarkable background.
We were delighted when, a week later, Felix received his doctorate by FedEx from what must have been another campus of the university - this one, in Dubai (UAE). His life experience earned him grades of A in Advanced Exercise Physiology; A- in Athletic Trainer Project; B- in Biomechanics, Electrocardiography and Exercise/Sports Nutrition; and C+ in Children and Exercise, Energy Metabolism, and Exercise Neuroscience -- for an overall GPA of 3.18.
Ashwood University is, of course, a degree mill. But:
"Ashwood University is a fully recognized university and has been awarded the status of accreditation from various official and semi-official institutes from around the world. All the life experience degrees offered at Ashwood are completely legal and verified because of this accreditation.
"The two major accreditations that have been granted to Ashwood are from the following recognized institutes:
- Board of Online Universities Accreditation (BOUA) Awarded the status of accreditation in March 1997
- World Online Education Accrediting Commission (WOEAC) Awarded the status of accreditation in March 1999
"These institutes are committed to improving the educational standards of on-line universities, especially those offering accredited degrees based on working adults' life or work experience."
If you follow the links to BOUA and WOEAC you will see the same "web design" fingers on the sites, as you will on the competing online university site of Belford University. I expect if you dig deeper you would also find that the beneficial owner of all the sites is identical.
Along with his certificate, Felix received copies of his transcript, a certificate of distinction and some wonderfully helpful sheets that can be handed to potential employers for them to verify his degree. If you would like to do so go to http://www.theashwooduniversity.net/verification/ and use the ID of RV9007849 and password of 55656694.
Do people get away with using sites like this to get jobs? You bet. Why do they still exist? Because it is very difficult to define what level of education or experience is needed for an award to be called a degree. It is well put here. And this editorial, coupled with our exceptional positioning on search engines, is going to rapidly make Ashwood University look like ninnies.
Because the observant reader will have gathered, as those in Dubai did not, that Felix Bombay is a cat -- Apollo, one of our three black cats, as it happens. Hs life experiences have been dramatic: his mother and all but one of his siblings were killed by dogs at a campsite in Oregon. He and his sister were raised in a vet's office and he developed a get-out-of-the-way strategy of lying close to a wall as if he was holding it up. How deserving an exercise science degree could you get?
Thankfully he has not demanded any special privileges since earning his doctorate. Here's to Dr. Felix Bombay, DSc. Happy kibbling, Doc.
